Wed 4 January
3 weeks, 4 days sober.
RR 100%

God,
Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The courage to change the things I can.
And the wisdom to know the difference.
Amen.
....................
Lord, make me an instrument of thy peace!
That where there is hatred, I may bring love.
That where there is wrong, I may bring the spirit of forgiveness.
That where there is discord, I may bring harmony.
That where there is error, I may bring truth.
That where there is doubt, I may bring faith.
That where there is despair, I may bring hope.
That where there are shadows, I may bring light.
That where there is sadness, I may bring joy.

Lord, grant that I may seek to comfort, rather than to be comforted.
Seek to understand, rather than to be understood.
Seek to love, rather than to be loved.
For it is by self-forgetting that one finds.
It is by forgiving that one is forgiven.
It is by dying that one awakens to Eternal Life.
……………………………

I think from now on I will always set an alarm to get up in the morning, even on days where I do not have a specific thing to get up for. I'm finding that when I don't and I have a lie in/snooze in the morning it leads to ruminating and analyzing thoughts and often negative/resentment type thinking first thing in the morning when I'm lying in bed. I think it's better to have that clean break from sleep to getting stuck into the day.

Went to a 12 step meeting yesterday so want to continue my plan of going to a meeting 4 days in a row by going to a meeting today as well.

Tuesday 3 January
3 weeks, 3 days sober.
RR 100%

God, Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The courage to change the things I can.
And the wisdom to know the difference.
Amen.
.............
Yesterday evening I had a few times where my mind was ruminating and analysing things more than I would have liked to. Also when I woke up this morning I had some brief sexual fantasy thoughts, they just popped in there and I think I handled them as well as I could have. Something for me to be aware of. Based on all this and how far my last 2 relapses occurred into a period of sobriety, this next 5-10 days could be a really testing time in terms of me staying sober so I'm planning to really step up the meetings over the next week. Planning to go to a 12 step meeting a day for the next 4 days.

Monday 2 January
3 weeks, 2 days sober
RR 100%

God,
Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The courage to change the things I can.
And the wisdom to know the difference.
Amen.
............
I wrote my own step 3 prayer yesterday and want to type it out here again today:

God, give me the power to quieten and calm my mind so that I can hear your will. Please direct my decision making at all times, because my previous game plan for living that I came up with myself has produced disastrous results. I want you to do my thinking for me, I do not want to analyse decisions in life anymore using my own intellect and thinking.

I offer my work and effort to carry out your directions but please allow my mind to hear your broadcasting beacon which I know is in my soul, which I will always be able to hear if I can only quieten the static and noise of my own ruminations.
.........
I think for me when I first wake up can be one of the harder parts of the day because that's when I have a lot of noise in my head/thinking. It is gradually improving though and I think when I have something definite to get up to go out for in the morning that probably helps focus me. Like today I had no plans for the morning apart from having a lie in so maybe that invited more noise on and made it harder to get out of bed.

Also wanted to share that this 3 weeks and 2 day sobriety has been complete sobriety from all sexual activity A proper withdrawal phase. I want to keep this up - I can be completely happy whilst refraining from all sexual activity and not even thinking about engaging in the latter. Just like the alcoholic who works a good programme can be happy without ever drinking a drop of alcohol again.

Sunday 1 January 2017
3 weeks, 1 day sober
RR 100%

God,
Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The courage to change the things I can.
And the wisdom to know the difference.
......
Today, I give the world 5 free passes in advance to do things that annoy me! Today, whenever I am feeling emotionally disturbed by a negative emotion such as anger or resentment I will focus on the feeling rather than the specifics of who or what is causing it and discharge these feelings as they occur.
.......
Happy new year everyone! I hope it is a happy and sober year for everyone. Feeling quite good this morning. Working the 12 step programme is definitely getting positive results.

Saturday 31 December
21 days sober (3 weeks)
RR 100%

God,
Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The courage to change the things I can.
And the wisdom to know the difference.
Amen.

Feeling in a neutral kind of a mood this morning as I wake up, so not particularly happy or sad. Going to a meeting today, also keen to keep my stepwork moving and by that I mean actively working them. Also have some stuff on my to do list to do. Hope everyone has a good last day of 2016! Jeff.